Some Guys are just Greedy

Some guys are just Greedy

Buster Kapusta oversees a meeting of Asteroid representatives and is totally bored. The five members of the executive council-Eurotrash, Chinks, Russkies, Ragheads and Ebolese-are to him, very obnoxious. In his heart, Buster is an unfettered Republican, wishing to do away with all rules and regulations, however, when it comes to the council, he has to fight the urge not to force each and every one of the reps into a vise of his very own design.

No, this won’t do. The Eurotrash are setting up their very own synthetic hiyawhatsup plant. The Chinks have been putting up so many asteroids, it’s blocking everyone’s view of the rings of Saturn. The Ragheads have been reproducing themselves to excess, sending out more space vehicles than anyone could handle. The Ebolese keep blocking electrical signals with their infernal radio stations. Finally, and worst of all, the Russkies have started to be the most popular kids in the Cosmos. Buster hates the Russkies most of all.

Of course, the feeling is mutual.

Back in the day when the Russkies had thrown off the yoke of Soyuz oppression, with not a little clandestine help from Buster, Buster went in and had his secret banking army run a few currency scams in the aftermath. It seemed like an attempted Yanqui get rich quick scheme, sucking up as much extra Russkie resources as cosmically possible. It didn’t take long, however, before the Russkies hit back, retaking their economy before sending it into space on a slew of state of the art asteroids, bigger and better than any to ever orbit the Cosmos.

Needless to say, there is no love lost.

So here they sit, looking at each other. Buster has his assistant, read the agenda. Someone’s been hauling trash to Mars so now there is a ring of debris threatening the smaller Asteroids, mostly owned by uppity space ship salesmen and lower echelon bankers. They vote to go on to the next piece of business straight away. This is the problem with the Chimichonga asteroid recently deploying nuclear warheads. They quickly agree to let the Chinks write a cease and desist notice. Next, comes the problem of hiyawhatsup. The supplies are drying up.

“Earth wants to replace these with regular crops. Say this might end starvation.”

A great hew and cry goes up in the council. You can’t have a proper Cosmos without hiyawhatsup.